Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
