Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
