Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
