the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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