he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
