I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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