Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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