are you so shy because you have an std?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
