My nipple is on Facebook.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
