I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
