He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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