we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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