You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
