Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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