i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
