are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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