My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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