let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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