My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
