She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
