Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
