Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
