Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I lost the right to judge tonight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
