You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
