I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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