Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
