I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
this hospital has no fireball
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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