Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
