I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In America we eat man semen.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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