I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
