My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
