She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
