yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
