I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
