the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
