She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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