he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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