tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
