suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dicks are not precious.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
