I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
