What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
