his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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