I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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