dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
