sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
