went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
