a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
