I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
