she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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