My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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