sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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