your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
