Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
